Loss of a loved one
“As I look back on the past 10 months or so, I am truly in awe of how much you have helped me navigate the emotional mountains that were happening in my life. During that time of the slow and terrible loss of my husband, and of the burdening sadness, you helped me to learn how to adapt to these life changes in the best way possible. The years of taking care of my husband, of always being on-call but not really aware of it, and the accompanying anxiety, clouded my view of reality. But, your sensible and balanced approach and your support have led me to see the truth of my situation. Because of your guidance, I am today in a grounded position, and strongly believe that I would not be in this positive place without you. You have been and are the best, and I thank you so very much.”
There isn’t one way to face the loss of a beloved family member, friend, or child.
If you are reading this, you know.
Numbing disbelief, shock, perhaps blame, a deadening helplessness, unwanted anger and indescribable yearning — all or some of these feelings may intrude upon and fill your days and nights.
Grief in process does not take one road.
What is grief counseling?
My practice is a reflection of an understanding of grief reactions and how best to guide the bereaved through loss. I cannot say my goal is to fill that place in your heart or that together we can hurry up grief. Instead, with careful compassion, we chart a course that includes your loss and your love.
Pricing for this work varies. While a month of working together begins at $500 and an individual session is $125, everyone’s situation and financial circumstances are different. I review a client’s personal, family, and financial needs case by case. Together, we determine a fee that makes sense.
End of Life Doula Practice
While each life and path is unique, in general, there are three different phases of doula work. Each phase has its own personal, deeply spiritual focus that reflects what is appropriate for the dying person, their family, and loved ones. The following is a general description, though my doula work is a truly individual experience, relative to each person and family.
Phase One: Legacy work provides meaningful opportunities to express and communicate in a way that leaves loved ones, and the person whose life is ending, a sense of completion. With skill and care, difficult and avoided topics may be lovingly approached. One example might be: planning around the wishes of the dying: a chance to envision what their “good death” would entail. The work provides relief and expressions of deep love, even in the face of unspeakable sorrow and other very real and difficult feelings.
Phase Two: In this phase, the focus is on “holding space” for the dying so as to have a peaceful death. Together, coordinating with the patient’s care team, emotional, spiritual, and physical support is provided. Often a family and the loved ones witnessing the final process of dying are reassured by a Doula’s ability to interpret what is going to happen, as well as a Doula’s simple presence.
Phase Three: The third phase of my Doula work helps a family and loved ones after a death. We have shared a sacred experience. Together, we review all that has taken place. Reprocessing can be a short or more extended process. “Grief is a matter of the heart. We cannot escape its pull.” I am a committed partner for those who entrust me to be their companion in bereavement, for as long as needed.
These phases derive from the ENDELA model of doulaship. I share more about this approach in my conversation with Kimberly Paul for her podcast Death By Design.
“It feels inescapable and lasts for much longer than other people (the non-bereaved) think it should. Like an open wound, it begs our tending.”