One Phone Call Away

“My father has dementia. My mother will not acknowledge this...”

“My best friend has been diagnosed with a brain tumor; we are waiting to hear...”

“My siblings and I are completely disagreeing about what is next for my parents...”

These are only a few of life’s common yet somehow unexpected circumstances brought to my Dover, Massachusetts private practice. I am presented daily with health decline compounded by loved ones stopped in their tracks. In each case, my clients are trying so hard to make a difficult, sometimes unbearable situation, simply better.

As a correlate each day in each situation I put my clinical knowledge, skills and compassion in place. My job is to creatively problem solve and support those who find themselves and their loved ones, along the difficult stages of life's arc. How do siblings support aging parents? What is required in the face of one of the many debilitating dementias? Where can one put feelings of shock and fear in the face of a cancer diagnosis? How does a life continue for the person in decline, or for those who are responsible or must witness? Mostly, my clients need help or are searching for ways to help. Understanding what lies ahead makes such a difference. This we uncover together. As we tap into unacknowledged sadness, intrusive anxiety, confusion and an uncommon sense of helplessness, together we find a home for these paralyzing feelings. Agency follows.

There is no book and yet, there is a path in each of these cases, that when understood can make life's most challenging chapters simply easier. There are steps hidden from view, which if taken prior to catastrophe, can make all the difference. There are conversations to have regarding what will unfold; those conversations soften the inevitable. There are feelings and thoughts and history to share in the face of loss, in the presence of grief. My role is to put all of this on the table: to place the realities of decisions, reactions, feelings, and productive to-dos in place.

It is often thought my work to guide in the presence of grief or life's end is depressing. In fact, it's the opposite. When I have the privilege of shining a light on a better path for those dealing with illness and or loss or when I can help prepare a family for what may be around the corner, softening an ordeal, my day is made. I am in the sacred role of replacing despair with relief, of over-riding helplessness with ability. Feelings of the heart, once overwhelming begin to be expressed, to-dos, hidden from view are revealed. These are only a few of my reaped rewards as I support and guide to make a difference in the lives of others, as they meet with additional strength, the challenges of illness, aging, life's end and loss.